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Source of income for some, source of existential retrieval for others, prostitution has known over time, substantially different forms from those of nowadays.
Long before being a simple “profane” transaction (money for pleasure), this phenomenon was deeply religious, based on the idea that sex and divinity were intertwined in an absolutely harmonious approach.
Paradoxical as this concept may seem, sacred prostitution or temple prostitution, as this “activity” was also known in those times, was present in almost all primitive and ancient cultures.
Back then, no one dared to deny its logical implications or relevance, because in its practioners’ minds, everything seemed perfectly legitimate. Who would mind to express his faith along with some sensual “priestesses”, specialized in the art of lovemaking?
The use of carnal whims included in mystical ceremonies was widespread around the world, existing in Europe, North Africa, Middle East, India, Oceania and in the Americas. This practice florished rapidly Armenia too, Assyria, among the Canaanites and ancient Hebrew, Cyprus, Lydia (Turkey), Carthage, Sicily or Pont, on the eastern shore of the Black Sea. Some historical sources indicate its presence even in Mecca or Egypt. Good times... (!) some would exclaim with a sigh for being born too late and teleportation still being awaited.
But before starting to envy our ancestors, those transcendal copulation followers, let’s take a little look at this phenomenon. It consisted of worship rituals, composed of effective intimate acts or other activities with erotic connotations (including the so called “divine marriages”, also known as Hierogamics). So, people were having sex, in the name of their favorite deities and they were proud of it.
Regarding those cults ministrants, they would sleep with the faithful, in exchange for sacrifices and offerings or to initiate the “chosen” ones (considered worthy for it) to eroticism with purifying substratum. A special category was slaves, who chose to dedicate their flesh services to common people, hoping to be liberated from slavery.
Archaic societies considered that “sexual servants” belonged to the related gods, and their fate was much superior to the destiny or status of common women... Moreover, none of them would refuse the payment when offered to them, as they were “heavenly” entitled to receive it, along with fame, respect and possibly... many venereal diseases.
In India, this kind of “divine” implication represented an obligation for the girls from certain castes. For example, young women from Santal tribes had to “serve” the parishioners, at least once during their humble existence. In Tamil Nadu caste of weaver, from their birth, at least one of every family’s daughter had to be consecrated to the guardianship god, as “solemn” prostitute. Tradition went beyond personal will.
Greece also distinguished itself thanks to female characters involved in devotional service act. The Temple of Aphrodite in Corinth hosted an impressive number of “professionals” who perfectly fulfilled their pious duty. On the Cyprus Island also towered the temples of Aphrodite Urania’s, where hundreds of women“dedicated” to the noble cause worked. Actually, the only visual information about this matter, come from this place.
The sacred “libertines” are mentioned in the Old Testament, too. Here, they appear under two different names: “zonah” and “kedeshah” (in ancient Hebrew). While “zonah” meant simple prostitute or a person with loose morals, “kedeshah” had a strong sacred significance. So, Jews didn’t mix together normal pleasures and sacred aspects, even though both of them involved moaning, exchanging fluids and a dash of virility with finalization.
In Tahu tribes from western Mexico, girls that were designated to lead religious ceremonies received the crowd’s respect and dominated the annual festivals attended by every chief of the tribe in the area. Where the celebrations were over, the ladies entered specially designated tents and they were visited, in turns, by the great chiefs. The encounters were consummated under the same aegis of customs deeply rooted in ancient thinking. People receiving also some orgasm thanks to their proven piety, that a completely different story.
In other parts of the world, also, the social status of pious “worker with their bodies” was at great levels. In the Walad’abdi Algerian clan, they were considered saints and thoroughly encouraged as the entire prosperity of the clan depended largely from their services. This last characteristic remained almost intact to this day, as we already know that quite often professional escorts enrich themselves but also the others.
“Spiritual”escorts also stood out in ancient Rome. How could the seven hills fortress, replete with deities, have ignored associating eroticism to heavenly intervention? No, that would have been way under the Roman’s original extravagance.
In April, when the ladies celebrated Fortuna Virilis (Men’s Luck), during the Veneralis (festivals dedicated to the goddess Venus), “nymphs” accompanied the married ladies in conducting the rituals specific to the event, and on the 23rd of the same month, the latter offered donations to Venus Erycina’s temple, a figure linked to prostitution.
Later, under the impact of dogmatic, economic and cultural changes, this phenomenon separated itself from the spiritual side of life, keeping instead a profitable influence in its non-religious side and leading on the label of “the oldest profession on earth”.
The attempts to resuscitate love practices in a religious context, expressed by some Western sects between 1970-1980 (Children of God, Church of the Most High Goddess), failed miserably. With their scandals, these organizations only managed to draw the authorities’ attention and create a reprehensible image. So, their life was short. Certainly, the followers of the “guilty” pleasures will exclaim disappointed... “Too bad!”
Statistics about sex
Who is this woman with the most children in the world, the animal with the orgasm of 30 minutes, the first intimate scene on TV, the origin of the vibrator, the most common fantasy, the connection between love and hospitalization?
Aspects related to the sexual side of life are like no other, spectacular, sometimes shocking, revealing the diversity of the human nature... and not only.
Never is soon to surprises when it comes to this fascinating area, which makes, after all, the delight of all stories with and about sexuality.
In this category of ”Did you know that?”, are also part the following ”surprises”:
01.–Pieced together, the moments that people spend kissing with passion and ecstasy, or insufficient passion (on the average of life time), reach almost two weeks. Performance or... there is room for improvement?
02.–Pornography is for humanity, such as membrane is for cell, the engine for the car, high heels for women (meaning they cannot be separated). The Internet contains 5 times more pages with pornographic material than usual pages about art, science, kitchen, engineering, origami or cats.
03.–The “sweets” and sex have in common more than the fact that both induce a state of well-being, calm the spirits, comfort sorrows and establishes harmony in the inner universe of young ladies. From the biochemical point of view, sex perfectly resembles a “lusty” consumption of chocolate.
04.–It is well-known that men's facial hair delight women, increasing their attractiveness force and their masculinity. The beard helps, therefore, the gentlemen, to get distinguished quickly in the eyes of the opposite sex and even to install promptly into the bedroom. The detail less known, is that lovemaking also influences the pilosity of the face, not only the vice versa. Meaning, when they are about to have sex, the beard of men grows faster.
05.–Immortal love exists also beyond books, films or dreams of young girls who imagine their ”Prince” coming on a white horse, fearless. The world of birds is testimony to the fact that the “impossible” can become, from time to time, reality: most swans are monogamous, remaining with their first partner for life.
06.–If in certain places paid sex (especially when it is wanted to be of quality) calls the savings and money for rent of the prospective client, in other places, paid love represents a real bargain, which does not affect too much the personal budget balance. In India, for example, a meeting with an escort is cheaper than a condom. Notice for the tourists in love with the ”beauties” of this country!
07.–Around the idea that sex burns calories somewhat more than a powerful fitness device, there were canvassed revolutionary assumptions, many of them endangering the bright future of the gyms. Although different versions, most of them seem to agree that sex, consumes more than 300 calories in one hour. Good news for those who want to lose weight quickly and... with ”pleasure”!
08.–Tendernesses on TV are a part of a recipe often practiced today, regardless of time, rating or channel. Pioneers of this approach are not the Playboy stars currently retired, but also the famous couple (of cartoon network) composed of Fred and Wilma Flintstone (the first ones on the TV screen, featured in their marital bed in prime time).
09.–Does or not love have anything to do with the money? Do the bank accounts influence the excitement of a person? Do inheritances, properties and annual income work as a sort of effective aphrodisiac, reflected on the young ladies searching for happiness? Misogynists would declare without reservation: ”YES, IT WORKS!” The feminists would argue with the classical perseverance of those who sustain their belief. Nevertheless, 25% of the women say that finance may make men “look” sexier in their innocent and... non-materialist eyes.
10.–The perspective of natural birth is frightening for many women, whether they have experienced it, or not. And reasons of panic are surely enough. The woman with the most such „reasons of panic” has lived in the 18th century, in Russia, passing through 27 deliveries of 69 children in total: 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 quadruplets.
11.–People who love lions for their power and royal beauty, can extend their admiration also in a completely different direction related to the existence of these mammals. Why? Some samples of the species in question, are capable of amazing “erotic” performance, engaging in sexual intercourse even 50 times in a single day (which brings our regret of parentage with the monkeys, and not from... those imposing felines).
12.–Gentlemen suffering for receiving complaints from their half-souls on the grounds that the prelude is too short, that the act is too quickly and the climax does not exist, can be inspired from the experience of pigs, whose ”consorts” (the sows), experience an orgasm that can take up to half an hour. A true record in this field! Hm... someone to say that being a ”pig”, it’s a shame.
13.–The way women often want to ”get rid” of sex, suggesting that their health status is not quite appropriate (in short, that they give headaches), it’s a frail excuse, whereas sex is a good medicine for persistent headaches, and the endorphins released during the “action”, have a significantly calming effect. Therefore, the abstinence is not the antidote, but its opposite.
14.–Used today for pure pleasure, the vibrator was originally designed to heal women of hysteria. Two centuries ago, it was an indispensable tool in the house of any high society lady, who wanted to cure, according to the last medical trend, emotional excesses and uncontrolled irritancy.
15.–If nowadays they enjoy certain legal rights and recognition, in the past, people with a different sexual orientation than that of the majority, were stigmatized and considered generally sick, deviant or abnormal. The label of mental illness that can be diagnosed and treated as such, planed officially over homosexuality until the year 1973. Unofficially, it still plans today in certain areas of the world, less responsive to diversity.
16.–The only fantasies that exceed in number and frequency the erotic “chimeras” seen while sleeping or daydreaming, are those related to money (because people are more often dreaming of lucky earnings, miraculous restorations or spontaneous enrichments, than to sensual models raising sexuality to the rank of supreme interest).
17.–Intuitively, we might say that among the atypical reasons why people get to Emergencies, it shall be counted also the swallowing of some inedible “entities”, jumping from considerable heights, fighting in the traffic, hypochondria, the lack of occupation or farces of your friends. And yet, above these ”classic” plights, statistics reveal that more than 10,000 American citizens get hurt by testing all sorts of unusual sexual positions (only they know... how)!
Medical benefits of sex
Whenever it comes to talk about sex, either we overpass it quickly, either we let the impression of being knowledgeable human beings, even though maybe we hadn’t had an excellent “sex party” for months.
Moreover, doctors sustain that abstinence, from one reason or another, creates several problems in the organism and even if all those are not seen immediately, they evolve and aggravates in time. We start to be more and more nervous and put it on the stress or on the job we have. We don’t listen anything end-to-end anymore, we are impatiens, we are ready to fight with everyone and every time, and if a man is more audaciousmaking a joke and telling us a “subtle” apropos, that we lack sex, we loose our temper and get angry.
Nevertheless,beyond the joke, it has been ascertained that lack of sex, really draws on our health. Orientals use for thousands of years, the famous vibrators, one way or another… but when we hear about this, our tension rises. “What do you mean? Do you see me using a vibrator? Well, how disgraceful!” Nevertheless, sexual release is extremely important for the equilibrium of our body, and the vibrator may represent a viable solution (at least for a period of time), lacking a real partner. Afterwards, it is best to use a surrogate, than walking out the streets and accept who knows what kind of moron, recently met, somehow… random.
What are the benefits of an active sexual life.
01.–During the act itself, if you get involved physically and don’t let him do all the job, the skin will leak and thus, you eliminate toxins. It is almost the same efficient as going to gym, as it keeps the skin away from dermatitis. Obviously, after the end of the “session”, in the little pause that appears between the partners, it is important to shower, otherwise the eliminated toxins shall have time to reabsorb themselves back in the skin.
02.–Switching positions more often, you put in function several types of muscles. Don’t choose only the most comfortable positions, but involve yourself as active as possible. Like this you can invigorate your muscles, without staying for whole hours in the gym.
03.–If you just had had a romantic dinner with your partner, the sex after it is the best cure for burning the calories in right time, before these deposit on your thighs, on your belly or on your bottom. It is scientifically proven that active sex for 20 minutes allows burning out around 2500 calories. And to see how sportive you may be, three sex parties per week, during a whole year, are the equivalents to 120 km “running”! What does it mean? 120 km in 12 months represent 10 km. per months, meaning 2,5 km. per week. More precisely, almost 1 km “running”, only on the occasion of one sex party, for 20 minutes. What do you say?! Maybe you extend it a little more…?
04.–Sex is the best natural sedative. After an erotic act and a hot bath, you shall have the most relaxing sleep.
05.–Sex is the best cosmetic treatment and successfully replaces any natural cure. While having sex, your body produces a large quantity of oestrogen, this making the skin get a soft and nice look, and the hair regain its glow. So, if you have any problems with skin or hair… it’s simple!
06.–An active sexual life puts in function pheromones, this way you get that sex-appeal, which in fact it is a chemical process: the pheromones released by the organism, are received by ”males” and give them the impression that you exert a special effect on them, as it really happens actually.
07.–If you are depressive or have this kind of problems, sex is the best cure. While having sex, the brain releases endorphins, these attenuating the stress accumulated and provoking a pleasant feeling of dizziness and euphoria.
08.–Not lastly, the hormones released, will help to protecting your heart from eventual heart attacks, by raising the oestrogen concentration. Still due to the high level of hormones, the risk of osteoporosis and Alzheimer disease falls.
09.–Sex helps to control the urinary bladder easier. Obviously, this supposes to activate the vaginal muscles during copulation. And why not do it? Especially that in this way you produce to your partner an indescribable sensation too!
10.–If you are cold, sex is the best cure to get rid of the disease. A sex party augments with almost 30% the level of immunoglobulin. Ah, this is what makes the organism respond with force against viruses. You shall see how fast the temperature will fall and the nose will unstuff.
11.–Do you want to go to the dentist more rarely? Then learn how to kiss your partner, because it stimulates the production of saliva. And the saliva cleans the food between the teeth and lowers the appearance of acid, responsible for the production of caries.
So, don’t think upon it anymore and review your attitude concerning your sexual life. Leave the hypocrites talk about the sex they don’t have, and you… be happy! And healthy!
Bondage & Discipline (B/D) explains not so much the power ratio between partners, but the tendencies to adopt active or passive roles, to be the beneficiaries of the "treatments" served in privacy. From this point of view, people can feel free to oscillate, because there is no rule that the dominant to be the active part, and the submissive the passive one. The reverse is also equally possible, because carrying out a particular action, does not necessarily equals with the "privilege" (oriented to constancy) of controlling the action.
The term "bondage" defines the option to spice up the bedroom menu, resorting to physical freedom restrictions of the other one, more exactly tying his/her hands and/or feet (with handcuffs, slings, ropes, various fix devices, etc.), separating them or fixing them with a particular object or immobilizing him/her using all kinds of tools or special systems. To some extent, the technique is used also by normal couples, often tempted to improvise and introduce new elements into their erotic universe, by purchasing cute fluffy handcuffs or using all kinds of scarves to tie their hands, feet, eyes. The difference is that for the BDSMcouples, the strategy is one deeply rooted in the sexual routine, being continuously refined through multiple and systematic „specialized” trainings.
The physical actions of "bondage" are filled resorting to psychological, "disciplinary" component, where one of the participants exercises his/her control over the conduct of his/her pair, imposing rules, establishing punishments, humiliating, attempting to the physical integrity of the other one, all of these, only to feed the agreed mechanism of putting into function the scenario where both get fulfillment.
The decisions on what has or not the right to do the active half, are always taken with mutual consent, without sudden and radical interventions that can unpleasantly surprise, injure or despise the limits set.
Dominance & Submission (D/S) include subordination and the related psychological connection, between two practitioners unequal in power, manifested in the private space or even beyond its borders. The desire is done by using a set of sexual games including: games of age (age play), the ones in which the person acts as a pet (pet play), the education ones (based on the classic system of punishments and rewards, tailored to the context), games that simulate the sexualrejection of the partner and even slavery, expression sometimes found also in public, by wearing a collar, suggestive piercings, tattoos or other "symbol-prooves" of obedience, accepting to be the "victim" (notorious) of a total power exchange.
The conversion to this "revolutionary" doctrine regarding their relations and good demarche, is, however, impossible without a complete trust manifested in the one besides. To allow a person to exercise his/her will to the most neuralgic depths of sexual living is certainly a performance that can be achieved only under certain conditions, namely when he/she expresses credibility, safety and interest, not only for himself/herself, but for the whole process that is meant to be done for the delight of common sense.
Given the risks involved in such extreme situations (the absence of consent of one of the participants, lack of experience, selfishness, inability to handle the getting out of the "role", the monopol of instincts), the prevention plays a particularly important role. In this respect, there were designed and implemented in real plan the so-called "contracts" whereby the parties concerned declare, first of all, their consent, negotiate their preferences, and (un)abilities, sketching the rules of the game, so that the atmosphere to be one not only sensual but also secure.
Although not legally binding, these contracts can be countersigned or "authorized" by bringing them to the attention of a third parties, formally invested as a witness. From this point of view, in the case of BDSM "romances", daring to follow the momentum (such as, for example, having sex on the first date or begging any stranger for whip hits or punishments for "not being good") is not exactly the indicator of a brilliant reasoning, worthy to receive any medal of merit and congratulations. Exploring the field is therefore more than imperative.
Sadism & Masochism (S/M), the third important component of BDSM, is the most representative, especially when it is viewed in terms of popularity. The interest for suffering is famous when it comes to eroticism to specific this category, the pain being, actually, seen not as an aim, but as a mean of efforts made to cross a variety of conditions and situations adjacent to the practice itself (humiliation, dependence, obedience, vulnerability, control). Each of the two partners, both the sadist one (the one who induces pain) and the masochist one (the one who receives it) follow a "regulation" well done and do not comply in actions by chance, which could permanently damage the personal integrity of any of them.
Usually, sadists are active and dominant participants, and the masochists are passives and submissives, but there may also occur cases where the report in question is a neutral one, without ostentatiously flirting with power differences. Regardless, though, the "protocol" they undertake (and despite its apparent rigidity, it can take various forms), relations of this kind never deviate (or at least should not do it) from two fundamental principles: consent and safety.
The informed consent is always the first step to take before all, the foundation and starting point of the whole "love story", and the safety the element which removes the chaos and inconvenience that may occur on the way. In order to maintain an environment free of danger when one of the partner feels overwhelmed, BDSM followers recommend using some "safe words" (as relevant in the real plan, it was established, inclusively a metaphorical color code that determines the importance of utterances: "red" indicates the desire to stop a certain action and "yellow" requires decreasing the intensity of the treatment applied). The gradualness can be, though, substituted with other terms of comparison, or with an individualized number of non-verbal equivalences useful when they are unable to speak willingly.
Although the myth states the BDSM does not conceive pleasure without pain, as if, in the absence of offensive stimulations, practitioners of these games could not reach any climax, the reality is that "torture" is not the "key" element of the approach, but a wheel (central, that's right) of a much more sophisticated mechanism of obtaining satisfaction. Not all "schemes" in this field exploits, thus the human indulgence to physical pain, but only the ones created around the idea of S/M, for which any "craziness" is allowed, as long as it is on the list of bearable limits agreed and corresponds to the particular way of unleashing the endorphins and adrenaline, felt by at least one of the participants.
Either exclusivists and of long-term, or "from flower to flower", whether with or without pay (there are dominant/submissive professionals who provide their services for money), the bonds of this fantastic world, usually follow the same pattern: they are held in a place called "scene" (word that also identifies the action itself), in a manner labeled as "play" and in a specified time, considered to be "session".
The place can be public or private. Generally, there are preferred those special places in the profile clubs, the "dungeons" being considered the paradise of BDSM (thanks to the multitude of erotic equipment available to those interested, as well to the implied permissiveness towards exhibitionist/voyeuristic approaches) or the private homes of persons who organize in their own spare time, "willingly and not forced by anyone", the events dedicated to the celebration of this lifestyle, with the condition of complying with two serious non-negotiable rules: banning the access of minors and of the consumption of alcoholic beverages or other substances found on the list of legal prohibitions. But even if they do not own at home a wide range of accessories, appropriate to their play, not all of them aim such moments that expose their personal "foibles" to the public sight, contenting themselves instead with the familiarity of their own home, with the tools purchased normally and used to a free imagination, fearless allowed to roam outside the "little box".
While in the past it was believed that sexual acts committed to sodo-masochism are maintained on the basis of certain conduct disorders whose solutions fall within the competence of specialized doctors, nowadays, the phenomenon, although partially freed by its interpretation as a mental disorder, still arouses suspicions and disapprovals at level of global perception. A great progress made towards its "normalization", was the elimination of such practices from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of many EU countries (the first one achieving the "miracle" was Denmark in 1995 followed by Sweden in 2009, Norway in 2010, Finland in 2011). The change occurred gradually. The initial rush manifested by psychiatrists in the nineteenth century to diagnose any sadomasochistic activities as blatantly deviant from the mental and emotional health standards of an individual, gradually subsided. The "disorder" came to be labeled so, only when it produced effects of social and occupational maladjustment among those consulted or, later, when it negatively interfered with the proper conduct of another person’s life, being guilty in addition with the violation of his/her consent.
Legislatively speaking, there is no unified approach regarding the criminalization of BDSM relations, the implied provisions related to such facts being different depending on the country and the socio-cultural geographical area under discussion. And even if, in principle, the legal rules do not refer explicitly to what is understood today by all erotic practices in the field, legislation such as the US one, however condemns acts of flagellation, whether or not the result of a mutual consent expressed. However, beyond this excess of zeal embraced by some states, the existence of an informed consent, primarily constitute, the line between crime or abuse and the private activity, free from answering before any judicial court. The permissiveness of law (where it is any) to this reality does not exempt, though, those directly involved, by the responsibility for documentation on the subject and how it is treated (differentiately) from the perspective of "impartial" varied justices.
Independently of the medical or normative interpretation that people give to this lifestyle, its supporters, often prefer to keep silance on their personal erotic passions, since the pressure and coercive nature of the "scared" and defensive society regarding the concept of sexual diversity, often says its word with intolerance and firmness. Discretion is thus the one characterizing the tumultuous existence of BDSM supporters. Despite this, the scientific attempts to understand the issue, prooves a growing, natural attraction of „ordinary” people to everything that is beyond the familiarity of a typical and monotonous sexual act.
The temptation of the "forbidden fruit" works at full capacity also in this area considered "taboo". Thus, as shown in the specialty studies, there are not few those who say they are interested in the less conformist aspects of physical relations. The trend is obvious also when casting a glance towards the auxiliar components built around this universe, at all dull and simplistic: organizations, clubs and profile websites, mercantile successful initiatives that make accessible to all mortals, the "toys" indispensable in the unleashed bedrooms, support groups sustaining the misunderstood souls with special weaknesses, all in one place and more other, revealing the existance of a request not at all negligible.
The spread of the phenomenon is, however, a silent one, showing only sometimes public excesses or vehement forms of promotion. And the main reason the anonymity and invisibility are favored in the detriment of transparency, is the fear of rejection, condemnation and brutal finger pointing (incriminating). People easily judge everything beyond the horizon of their own understanding and affinities, so those who do not fit into the overall landscape, very often risks to become the target of misplaced behaviors (in their personal, professional or social life) being discriminated, marginalized, harshly blamed, sometimes even by family or paradoxically (through the influence of their entourage) by themselves.
The situation is usually the joint product of stereotypes, myths and prejudices that still persist like a rotten and unpleasant odor, despite the emancipation in the thinking way that boasts contemporaneity. Among these, the most acute fixation sustain (yet) that "only a person mentally unbalanced may adopt such sexual behaviors, that the motivation underlying the actions of this type is an exacerbated appetite for violence (felt not only in private, but also outside it), a childhood abuse, a defective self-esteem (in the case of submissives), an uncontrollable obsession for pain" and many others. Things which, though not a rule, may be true, but only arbitrarily, without bringing to the surface a consistent relationship about cause - effect.
The main reason for which "cruel" love is charged attitudinally, beyond its alignment with pathology, lies in the fear of escaping the particular habits also into the public space, thus leading to an undesirable increase in the number of crimes. Many are under the impression that the passion for the nonconformist erotic activities, is like some kind of wild beast that must be leashed or even better, kept in a cage, not to wreak among the peaceful and innocent ones. Studies undertaken in the field, however, do not show any correlation between pornography or any other type of unrestrained BDSM behavior and violations of the law, not to mention the fact that the idea of "not guilty" (at least mentally) is only an illusion sustained by hypocrites, for reasons as hypocritical.
This passion for "something else" is not, therefore, a kind of microbe that spreads beyond the control of the personal will of those exposed, a determinism to which they are condemned all who enter, one way or another, in contact with the various manifestations of the phenomenon. But just the expression of certain mature assumed preferences. The pathological cases are already in a separate category, belonging not so much to the subculture’s structure itself, as to certain individual traits, vulnerable to abuse.
Other cons, than those who warn against the danger associated with the practices in question, consider the supposed low status of women in this whole story. Many critics have taken the ideas of a feminist groups of the 70s, focused on the side effects of sex practiced under the auspices of BDSM "callings”: the vulnerabilization of women in relation to the acts of extreme violence, reducing her to the status of sexual slave or the perpetuating of certain misogynistic behaviors, incompatible with the current agenda of eradicating the gender inequalities.
In contrast, pros emphasizes the importance of freedom of decision, own by men and women equally, but also the sovereignity of the freedom to explore and redefine sexuality, limits in love, types of interaction within the couple. And the closing arguments offered by supporters, is founded on the principle of living in agreement with the inner desires, not with the rigid patterns of others.
And how might otherwise be, when human longing to go ever further and to constantly challenge his limits is, after all, an innate one?
Therefore, we can say that the phenomenon is growing, not declining, and uniformity begins to awaken unfullfilment feelings to those who practice it with a Swiss clockwork precision, favoring drastical changes of option and scenery.
Those willing to diversify their erotic register and learn roles from a tumultuous BDSM play, must consider the fact that this playground although bidder is also risky, complicated and delicate at the same time. And the first step to take before penetrating the "forbidden" area, is the one of the theory, gathering information, accessing specialized websites and all the other facilities (forums, courses, brochures, etc.) aimed to opening eyes and minds. Since venturing into a game with handcuffs, leather clothing and covered eyes can be for someone more dramatically than to present a descriptive geometry exam without even once having opened the textbook pages in question. Knowledge is, therefore, essential and cannot be done under way, formally or superficially. All must be passed through the filter of the personal judgment.
The elucidation of mysteries, solving the question marks, harmonizing the preferences with each other's ones, obtaining the clarifications that everyone needs, getting into the multiple needs involved by such a lifestyle on its representatives (physically, psychologically, emotionally, relationally, socially), are not simple details that can be treated like terms and conditions stipulated in a common contract (with no stake or subsequent important effects) that anyway, no one has patience to read before signing it. But there are preceding steps, absolutely indispensable for those tempted to bring to life their fantasies where they exercise their skills to wave the whip or "bear" with elegance a latex mask. The passion for this form of erotic communication, certainly exceeds the predictability and safety of other hobbies of the couple, like cooking together, eating popcorn, watching television or going shopping.
What is important is not just the theory, but the person with whom the theory turns into practice. Choosing the partner cannot be left to chance, to the whims of the moment or destiny, because a sexual episode with BDSM substrate is not as harmless as going out to the cinema or restaurant, so to be done with anyone. The authentic trust is a condition without which it is not possible to enter, in general, in any human association, much less in one of this kind (an interdependance in which the physical, psychological and emotional union tears down any traditional pattern).
The documentation and wise choice of the "other", are worthless when protagonists do not firmly agree to respect the commitments jointly negotiated and undertaken. The consent is therefore another basic element, which should under no circumstances be submitted under pressure, strain, misleading or coercion of any kind. Nobody is forced to do what he/she does not want, just because he/she is required, because so many others proceed the same way, because the other one ardently longs after adrenaline or because he/she intends to kill time in a unique way, although, he/she actually has no idea of what he/she gets involved in.
The consent is inextricably linked to the preservation of personal dignity and autonomy, objective to be pursued regardless of the "hierarchical" role assumed. Despite the clichés and simplistic interpretation, the transfer of power does not mean subjugation or dissolution of individuality, but a different understanding of the classical pattern of physical-instinctual interaction.
Above the fact of being confused with pathology as still unfortunately happens, BDSM practices do reflect not as much the lack of inhibition of "misfit" people, but rather the weakness of society to label with no right, patterns of thinking and behavior that are not affiliated to the collective mentality, that absolutizes too easily the universal notions of "good" and "bad".
By virtue of obsessive models glorified by society and appropriated obediently, without too much discernment, both women and men, since early childhood, make their own strategy related to the development of their “body” life from later on, when they will reach maturity. And, taking into considertion the ubiquitous general picture which they are used and accustomed to adulate unconditionally, including in the absence of their own motivations, the attack plan, involves several times a "model" husband or wife, two, three perfec children and an infinite passion... just like in the movies.
Even in teenage years, when sexual interests are beginning to take shape a little more incisive, nobody proposes as a first future goal, getting fond of "tempers" less common, as smelling the feet of the other one, liking shoes or the friction to a certain object (but always the same), just good to create orgasm and thrills of happiness, such as an enchanted lamp (like the one of Aladin, but in this case, only destined for adults).
No one, therefore, repeats oneself since early times, like an eccentric and limited mantra: "I wish I could make love only in the presence of a pink plush elephant, in whose eyes to abandon myself when I am worn on the waves of ecstasy".
Even in the absence of premeditation, however, some of the adults, get to find out with stupor, that apart their huge efforts of will, they can’t help themselves in feeling a great attraction toward a lifeless object or to a specific part of the body (non-genital), without which they cannt get involved in a "carnal" act, or they could do it, but unable to get to the aimed "climax".
No matter how strange or incredible the story it may seem, it is however one as real and known by many. The appetite to include in the "obscene" scenario various elements which do not have nothing to do with the conventional “parties', is also, ancient and widespread, being called a fetishism. The word, perceived by some in a funny way, and by others in a relatively gloomy note, which simply scares them, is based on the sense of item endowed with a magical force... a sort of amulet or talisman, in this context, the concept having strictly psycho-sexual connotations.
Although the subject often suffers the vulnerability of being placed in an ironic circumstance or somewhat fustile (it is already notorious the charicature image of those who sniffe underarms or socks to obtain a minimum erectil capacity), this will reflect a problematic which continues to intrige on specialists. What are fetishes and why only some of the people are developing them in their lives? What is the origin of such tendencies? Are they a normal or abnormal condition? Can they be treated and cured, or do they constitute definitive sentences pronounced on souls without blame? What to do when someone shows atypical preferences in relation to sexuality? These are just some of the questions which continue to seek for "rational" answers (according to social routine), although probably things should be regarded a bit different, a little more detached and innovatory. Not for any other reason, but at least to justify our claims of species which are evolving continuously.
In the case of certain persons, the idea of romance or prelude enough for a night of qualitative consistent love, will be resumed to a classic dinner with candles, the usual bunch of roses, the banal declared improvisations (true or not ), the usual giving up to clothes and the prosaic visual incitation offered uncensored, favorable conditions, but not necessarily required for obtaining a satisfactory orgasmic denouement; because there are also examples in which it may be obtained very easily without "traditional" tricks.
For fetishists, the well known ammunition of "intermediation" of meetings between bedding, is one not only quite useless, but also ineffective, whereas those in question have the special feature of being excited regardless the circumstances, as long as their fetish "participate" to the inter-personal development of the action. So that nothing can compensate for the "dramatic" absence of the worshipped detail.
Whether they are on their own, playing by themselves, whether they share their "love" with someone else, fetishists need the sensory experience lived together with the subject of their "fixation", longing to explore, to taste, to feel, to smell, to use according to their own will, if its nature allows it, to see it worn by the partner during the intimate episode. They may be fascinated with its form or even the material from which it is designed: latex, skin, fur, silk, etc.
From the category of fetishes, are part, in general, elements of clothing: bras, underthings, tights, but also socks, shoes, gloves or other similar items that can acquire, thus, a great value.
But not all react positively only through the prism of things without connotation tangential to the physical attraction. Some people like some features or parts of the body not associated, in a direct way, with the "reproduction" organs: legs, ankles, fingers, neck or hair.
The list of "weaknesses" of the kind is, however, extremely generous, without taking the shape of clear patterns, easy reperabile from the outside. The erotic attachment can be manifested, in a practical sense, in relation to any physical form or activity (significant from a certain point of view, strictly personal) for the person concerned.
Thus it is born the question, and rightfully justified, why men may not be satisfied neither with scandalous orgies, free sex or treatments of supreme pamper, but get excited instantly if they hear the song of a lullaby in a foreign language, or if they smell several samples of silicone of rubber ... and how certain women (although many believed that only males are hit by this "disease" of unconventional adorations), are not impressed by the view of an impressive erectile size, or assist at the most performant specific movements of a sublime penetration, but they get totally soft, if your partner wears leather jackets or fireman helmet.
Debating motivations and analysing explanations, psychology lay on the table a series of theories that are trying to bring to light this phenomenon (at least "suspicious" for the general public). Among the first assumptions made in the course of time, especially in the second half of the century XIX, there are included those according to whom fetishism is either a factor learned by conditioning (based on a particular physical or emotional experience from childhood), or the result of some powerful association of moment (taking into account the emotional impact of various objects, simultaneously with sexual stimulations). They have not been overlooked nor the possible expressions of the way in which men and women react excessively to certain features or details related to the opposite sex gender, which they separate subsequently by the whole, converting them into small length of time obsessions (for example, the passion out of control for the feet or shoes), manifestations related to the fear of castration and to the implicit phobia of the genital maternal organs (an obvious Freudian "trick", applicable exclusively for men), or attitude specific to the baby detached without will (thanks to growth) by the parent protection feeding the illusion of consistent mother’s need (in the case of boys) or father’s (in the case girls), through their identification with a nearby object (the importance of the phenomenon in question is re-engaged in the adult life, somehow getting sexual valences).
Each of the theories circulated has, however, its limits. None offers a global and homogeneous perspective on the problem, since it is focused on fragmented aspects of its depths. None is able to prove with certainty where fetishes come from and where they go.
Unlike the past century, when any conduct refractory to the rule was labelled as a pathology good to be studied under the microscope or on the small comfortable sofa of the psychiatrist, the present tolerance to the alternative options has increased ( at least medically), and the scientific criteria serving the attempts to decipher them, have relativized gradually.
As regards to the origin of fetishes (word introduced in the vocabulary in 1800, originating from the Portuguese feitico - obsessive fascination), it is connected today with a series of emotional acute disorders or only with certain powerful experiences from childhood, well stored and vulgarized at unconscious level (positive or negative), always psycho-emotionally overcrowded, which become an integral part of the personality of the protagonist in question and are permanently updated to the not modest contexts from the period of maturity.
Regardless of whether the fault of "irregularities" from maturity belongs to the father insufficiently present, to the ultraprotective mother, to the severe grandfather or alcoholic aunt, it is certain the fact that at present, the cases of those with atypical passions are approached individually and treated holistically. The cognitive-behavioral therapy, the use of psychotherapy or the medication of ancient times have ceased to be at great search on the market of miracle solutions related to the "faults" in the bedroom. Also, the experts give up gradually the superficial diagnosis of any form of fetishism as a mental disorder that, by making a clear distinction between the acceptable and deviant variations. Even so, scientific community does not enjoy unanimity with regards to the place in which there can be drawn a line that separates normality from pathology.
It is abnormal for a man not to be able not to abandon himself to the lust of senses only after having inhaled with appetency the "odor" of feminine lingerie? Or is it natural for the person in question, although performing correctly, to be incapable of reaching the final peak of his physical and emotional involvement? It is problematic for a woman not to feel well but in the company of a man with curly, long, dark, and silky hair? Or is it ok as long as she agrees to comply with the partenership role, but is not able to reach orgasm?
Some of the psychologists are of the opinion that the very inability to enter into the atmosphere of couple without the presence or the image of the "adored" object, is the one that indicates that there is a "fetish-problem". Others argue, in exchange, that it is only their inability to "complete" the sexual act what reveals the impossibility.
Also, the complementary perspectives make the difference between fetishes which allow the harmonious development of the private, social or even professional life and fetishes that interfere harmful with practical aspects of the day-to-day existence (these alone being considered undesirable and dangerous), between the obsessions centered on clearly erotic objects (travesti clothes, dildo-s or vibrators, for instance) and those which are incompatible with the "hormonal” action itself (although, in the official vision of many, it is exactly this affinity for elements not related to the conventional physical contact defines the specific of fetishism, including the " harmless" one), or between the "obsessive preferences' shown on a period longer than 6 months, and the sporadic, ephemeral ones,
Beyond the subtle nuances through which it is framed the concept of the phenomenon, there's some clear criteria which refer to pathologic, deviation and extremism (it is about those situations in which the need someone to exercise their fascination leads to abuse, to breaking the other one's consent, to his/her bodily injury). Any such event can only be entered among those characterized by the primacy of instincts to the detriment of discernment, in the absence of self-control or by expressing a fierce misunderstood individualism. This is why it is appropriate in such cases, a positive external intended intervention, proportionally metered and well thought.
The universe of relationships between people is, without a doubt, extremely, a complicated and complex one. Or at least it seems so when the majority tendency to reduce it to certain standard rules, ideas and manners, fails with the grace of a fish wandered over the shore.
A glance in the past, shows that people have always been ruled by the desire for experimentation, of living, of enjoying the "worldly pursuits" in a manner consistent with their vast and incult inner.
Over time, natural tendencies have been those that have defined limits, accuracy and excess. Nowadays, patterns incriminate stubbornly the instinctual manifestations, campaigning for their sudden ejection on a far away island, empty and anonymous, for the closure of irregular "tendencies" in a peripheral drawer of the mind, locked with a key that is essential to be thrown in the gast of oblivion.
Society's intention of uniformizing the "primary" preferences and expressions is, however, doomed to failure from the start. Reality itself proves this point: because... if coercion or excessive simplification would work, then probably homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality wouldn't exist any longer, embracing alternative lifestyles (such as BDSM) and certainly, nor even fetishes.
It is just, nature must be somehow softened, subjected to a fruitful and rational selection process (after all, that's what we have got used to say, that it is... the civilization, though, not always the theory has been proved to be correct). No one can do what he wants, how he wants, when he wants, where he wants and with whom he wants. Otherwise it would lead to chaos. The right question is: Isn't it possible for in this haste of keeping everything under control, there appeared also false claims, precarious beliefs and a double pseudo-morality about what human sexualit really means? Isn't it that its excessive intellectualization decreased its charm, sense and value, leading, eventually, to condemning individuals who dare to act differently?
Some like to be a little bit tougher when it comes to sexual interactivity, to use all sorts of accessories, to be practicing shady role games, to invite friends to a mini-perversion in group, to address a trivial language, without curtain, to be stimulated only if they are pulled by their hair, dressed in silk or hit with a paddle on their bottom... others may NOT have sex UNLESS they are pulled by their hair, dressed in silk or hit with a paddle on their bottom.
Who can tell which of these preferences exceeds or not the limit formally allowed? Which are the fetishes worthy to generate panic, sleepless nights and periodic visits to the psycho office?
In a smaller or larger extent, all people depart (or at least feel the need to do it) from the common path. All of them have their small secret affinities which they grow wildly, when they can be natural and unrestricted in respect of their own behavior... or which they omit volunteerly, if they are scared that they might be harshly judged by their conscience or by the rigidity of a dumb partner, lacking imagination." And, in addition to a possible frustration that may accompany the repression of your intentions (when "whims" remain unfulfilled), the persons in question have nothing to suffer, as long as they can carry out in peace, their love life.
What's going on, however, with those who can be sexually stimulated ONLY in the presence of their pregnant fetish (and which, according to the psychologists, they form the genuine fetishists class)?
Possible variants are only two in number:
-the fetish is accepted and by default, the sexual activity saved;
-the fetish is denied and by default, the sexual activity disappears gradually (or remains only weak and extremely disappointing).
Reasons for its rejection can be determined by the feeling of shame of the protagonist, the need to know "in line with the world", the fear of being stigmatized and despised, or the partner's refusal to take part in a venture slightly questionable for him, refuse to which he/she turns to either because doing the vice versa would consider himself/herself lacking personality, somehow disqualified in favor of the fetish turned in the "center" of the action, either because he/she cannot understand, nor its legitimacy, nor its importance in the life of his/her half pair.
In unfortunate cases, the appeal to the help of a specialist can work wonders, but not for the purposes of annihilating the "obsession" (the ones in question consider that it is well grounded in the subconscious and that there it is going to remain), but in the direction of growing the capacity to deal with the situation and to find the resources (individually or in couple) to go further in the already existing conditions. The "normalisation" of fetishism for the one who wants it and, of course , for the related half pair, shall constitute today the main point on the agenda of those who work with such seemingly unusual challenges.
Even if the preference for certain fetishes make its presence felt once with the sexual development in teenage years, this special feature of identity, is built since the first years of life (that is pretty much the way psychologists claim in unison). And, taking into account its well placed roots into the structure of the individual ego, it might say that fetishism cannot pass overnight with drugs, incantations or academic sessions of psycho-therapy. At least, not without spreading out various other "curses" over the one "treated" such: bitter feelings of discontent, insufficient or lack of authenticity. Context in which it becomes obvious that efforts made should not focus in another area , than in the one of a balanced acceptance of reality and its management in an optimum way, for this "passion" creating good-humor and inner excitement, not to create misery and discomfort in the "author’s” life or of those close to him.
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